unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.

So the BBC is running a story right now asking just why it seems so many Fantasy characters speak with distinctly British accents. Speaking strictly as a fan of the Fantasy Genre, It is a rather preposterous question to be honest. They act as if they need it spelled out to them that the reason the bulk of the characters in Middle Earth and Westeros speak with a variety of British accents is because, well, they are set in Pseudo Britains. They argue, rather unconvincely, that due to Game of Thrones being based on an American series, the characters should probably have American accents. I could buy this if the series being adapted was Terry Brook's Shannara, set unquestionably in a future north America. In fact, I would be offended if Shannara was adapted and wasn't populated by North American accents. If they ever get around to adapting Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time, the author himself was explicit on what sort of accents his characters should have, and I hope, for sake of the strangeness of seeing a bunch of African Samurai's speaking with Texas accents, they honor the author's wishes.

The Article goes on to question whether or not the surge in British Accents in Fantasy is a result of Kevin Costner's abysmal accent in Robin Hood: Prince of thieves, It's an alright question but rather dubious. Fantasy Films have been sporting accents and casting "Foreign" (Non American) Actors for a very long time. Or that perhaps it is in reaction to years and years of British accents being synonymous with villainy in Hollywood. Star Wars being a great late example of this. But Practically every World War II film that didn't force its actors to use bad fake German accents, simply substituted for British.

However, that being said, if you look at the 1977 Rankin-Bass adaption of The Hobbit, the entire cast, more or less, is comprised of Americans, and it worked. At least to me, I felt the voices in The Hobbit were all quite good for the characters. They were believable because it was consistent. Obviously you run into problems when you have a hodgepodge of accents with no discernible reason for them to be different. This was a sevre problem with the recent Tom Cruise film Valkyrie. Every other actor in the film, except Cruise, had a British Accent. It made the Germans convincing, except for Tom Cruise. Why so many Americans, myself included, have so much difficulty with accents, baring caricatured ones, is a mystery.

The Secret World of Arrietty

I went to see this film last night. As is usual for studio Ghibli films it was pretty much great. It was a cute kids movie without being cloying or leaving the lingering aftertaste of artificial sweeteners. At the same time it also kept from wandering into the soul crushing, entire box of kleenex affair, territory of some of the studio's other films.

Following their adaption of Diane Wynne Jones' Howl's Moving Castle and Ursula K. LeGuin's Earthsea, we are treated to another foray of Studio Ghibli adapting western Fantasy fiction. This time, Mary Norton's The Borrowers, was the subject of the adaption. As with the previous adaptions it captures something of the spirit of the book. At the same time losing something due to shifting the setting to Japan, which to me, felt some what jarring. Though that likely was due more to the Dub (All animation is dubbed by the way, so don't tell me to watch the subtitled version) choosing extremely western names for a number of the characters. I just cannot see a Japanese boy having the name Sean, or his aunt being named Jessica. And at the same time the landscape was so unmistakably Japanese that I couldn't imagine the film being set anywhere else. These are minor quibbles, It wasn't distracting enough to keep me from enjoying the film.

This particular film was not directed by Studio head Hayao Miyazaki but it didn't suffer for it. It had all of the studio hallmarks, and was clearly part of a larger corpus of work stretching back to Nausica: Valley of the Wind. I really can't think of anything bad to say about the film. On the other hand I can't say that I liked it as well as I liked The Borrowers with Jim Broadbent, or the BBC television show with Ian Holm.

All in All, this being the first Studio Ghibli Film I've seen in Theaters since Princess Mononoke, I had a pretty good time. Disney for the most part does a really top notch job in the dubbing process and in bringing attention to these films. At the same time some of the localizations (such as the names) were jarring in ways that they wouldn't be if the entire movie had been localized (which it wasn't). If you haven't seen it, or if you have kids and want to show them a movie which has deep themes to it but won't leave them distraught or hyper active after they finish watching.. I recommend the movie.

300.

Yep, This is my 300th update.

It's also going to be a chance for me to vent about a recent story I was told. You will understand the serendipity of this in a second.

Recently, an online professor, posted a "Discussion" topic on his forum. In it he argued, with apparent sincerity, that the film '300', based on the Frank Miller comic book, was an accurate portrayal of ancient Sparta, bottomless pits and all. Which one can suppose also means that the Persians really did have horrible goat headed, flute playing, monsters and that Xerxes really was a 9 foot tall transvestite.

I was astounded by this assertion, that some one who has multiple PhD's would make such a statement. Clearly he realizes that '300' is an effort of creative storytelling on the part of Dilios (David Wenham) to exult his fellow Spartans and assorted Greek allies to greater feats of glory on the eve of the battle of Platea? It should be clear to anyone with a half functional brain that what the character Dilios is engaging in is a fish-tale. He is exaggerating the size, composition and martial prowess of not only the Spartans who took place at the battle of Thermopylae, but also of their Persian foes.

I will freely admit that I don't actually know much about the ancient Greek city states, but I'm relatively sure that if this film had been 100% factual, not quite as many people would have been so dead set on destroying it's reputation. Perhaps he is correct and there are a few historically correct details, but I certainly would never extrapolate that out to say the entire movie is a valid representation. '300', along with films such as Braveheart and Gladiator, are designed with entertainment first and foremost. They are the modern day equivalent of Shakespeare's Histories. They take historical details, and then form them around the key plot that already exists. They aren't meant to be taken as serious scholarship, and, while it has merit to be used in a composition or literature class, certainly shouldn't be used in a History class.

Sequestration of Harshitude.

The title really makes no sense.. but Harshitude.. a Dude'ism if ever there was one.. is about the best word I could really think of.

I just got done reading a rather critical look at the works of Steven Spielberg. It had a portion that really resonated with me, specifically about how I feel towards the "Grimdark" sub genre of Fantasy.

"In each of his issue films, Spielberg presents a bleak world, then finds a ray of hope within it. Often, that contrast between light and despair is rendered visually, and not always comfortably so. In Ryan, the gray, grainy, skittery feel of the invasion of Normandy clashes with the gauzy shots of the aged Matt Damon at the grave sites. In Amistad, the awful portrayal of the Atlantic Passage jars against the scenes in which John Quincy Adams, like a character in a play, stands off from the people he’s speaking with to declaim his lines into the distance. Spielberg is sacrificing aesthetics in his intense desire to sequester the harsh material cinematically. He never commits to a worldview that doesn’t ultimately have a sunny patina."

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/the_completist/2012/01/steven_spielberg_s_complete_movies_i_ve_seen_every_one_and_i_almost_wish_i_hadn_t.html

That is a very good explanation of what my problems with Grimdark really are. I don't mind the graphic depictions of war or battle, what I draw issue with is their general lack of hope. Lots of defenders of the sub genre like to point out that Lord of the Rings, ends on a pretty down note. They are some what right, yes, Frodo never really recovers, The world will never be quite so magical as it was before, but the world has hope returned to it. Most of Robert E. Howard's works, again sometimes pointed to by the grimdarkers, isn't so much against civilization but for the triumph of human spirit and will power. Hopeful themes both.

Granted not all of Spielberg's movies make sense. He twists reality to fit his worldview. He forces his films, if not have a happy ending, at least only have a bittersweet ending. He doesn't do down endings. Even the bulk of the films he produces follow this model. Think about how culturally important the movies he has directed or produced are, not only to the culture of the United States, but likely to the world in general. Arguably he is less culturally important than George Lucas, another man who shares the some what gauzy rose tinted world view. The two men are after all frequent collaborators/partners in crime. When I think about just how many films I've seen that Speilberg or Lucas made.. It begins to make sense to me why I have such a similar world view.

Even in Lucas's darkest turn, The Empire Strikes Back, which I've never hidden the fact it is my least favorite of all 6 films in the Star Wars series.. precisely because it's such a departure from the rest of the work Lucas puts out. I can't view it as anything but a middle chapter, it exists to shift the characters from the end of A New Hope, to the beginning of Return of the Jedi. Just as the down ending of Revenge of the Sith functions to transition the hopefulness at the end of Attack of the Clones into the hopefulness of A New Hope.

I grew up watching Star Wars, Willow, The Goonies, Back to the Future, Hook, Jurassic Park, and Batteries not included over and over again. It's really no surprise I can't deal with bad endings. I grew up being exposed to media that presented the bad guys winning as anathema to itself. The Bad Guys ALWAYS lose. Thats the way it should be. Hope remains, and with it reaffirmation that the world isn't really as crappy as it seems to be.

Maybe that's not accurate. In fact I know it's a lie. But it's a lie I willingly accept in order to not sink into depression. That's perhaps the whole point, and says more about me than it does about the people who write down books.

What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft and the lie?

More apt words I cannot think of. Today would mark the 106th Birthday of Robert E. Howard. It's difficult to know what he would think of the world today. In many ways he was abjectly progressive. His views on Women especially set him apart from the rest of his generation. In other ways he was reactionary, especially if he was writing a letter to a Non Texan or a Non Southerner. But one thing he wasn't, and that was normal. There is no mistaking that Bob was a Texan through and through. So he wasn't exactly a square peg in a round hole, but he had a few rough edges that kept him from fitting comfortably. This discomfort was probably a great factor in his imaginative output. The output which inspired so many people, lead to the creation of so many things, movies, music, games, endless streams of novels written in imitation of the master.

Though it may cause discomfort, Fitting in, isn't supposed to be mandatory. It confers certain social advancements. It most certainly isn't supposed to be dangerous. If you've read my ramblings for any length of time then you know I'm an advocate for the outsider. The kid who got picked on for playing D&D. The boy with long hair. The girl who likes metal and has a Mohawk. The guy in Texas who writes fantasy stories instead of getting a real job. All these things come with their downsides, lack of job opportunities, social ostracism, or even outright pariah status in school. This has its own downsides. It leads to depression, anxiety, people becoming stranger because they retreat into themselves to escape a world they don't fit into. Sometimes, like Robert E. Howard, they feel they have no alternative but to depart this world for another.

But that is a personal choice, those of us who survive are merely left to wonder why. Our status as bystanders disqualifies us from ever fully understanding the inner workings of another person. We should be understanding of others differences. Differences and hobbies and interests aren't supposed to be damning enough to take your entire childhood away. Being a Nerd or a Goth or an Emo or a Geek isn't supposed to be Dangerous. But in Arkansas that's exactly what it was.

I'm sure you all are aware of the nausea inducing West Memphis 3 case. Where a podunk town railroaded three boys into prison for the murder of 3 children, using as evidence heavy metal albums, black clothes and Stephen King novels to support an outlandish hypothesis involving ritual sacrifice and Satan worship. They were recently released, with the understanding that they admit they did it. It allowed some people in Arkansas with severe indigestion to sleep more soundly, but it didn't clear the boys names, it didn't give them their adolescence back. Unfortunately this rescue from the cusp of death wasn't at the hands of Roland Deschain, Jireal, Conan and Aragorn riding to the judges house and forcing him to recant his misguided decision, to crawl on bended knee to beg forgiveness for his sins, to ride an ass backwards in front of the gates of Jerusalem so that all might know his foolishness. The only reason it happened it all is because a filmmaker from New Zealand with deep pockets took it upon himself to do something to right this wrong.

Just because they are out of jail doesn't mean it's over. They still have a great big GUILTY next to their names. The flaws unearthed by this injustice are still built into the system. It could happen again. Remember that. If you don't fit in, This could happen again. No I think it will happen again, probably has happened again already and we just don't know about it because it didn't get media attention. Didn't get musicians and actors and filmmakers attentions.

It is my hope that Peter Jackson's recently produced West of Memphis documentary has just premiered at Sundance. If nothing else, if it can be prevented from happening again, then something good will have come out of this.

It is important for us to accept others as they are. I want to wrap up by talking about Bob Howard. A Man who I feel like I almost know but don't quite. He didn't quite fit in. I'm not going to postulate on why he killed himself. That's not fair to him. He knows why he did it. I wonder if he had found more acceptance in life if he would have felt it his only option. I wonder if these three boys had lived somewhere, where being different wasn't a sin, if there would have been another option.

GIJOE Retallition Trailer.

I HATED the abomination that was GIJOE: Rise of Cobra. Every aspect of it was wrong. The casting was wrong. The Look was wrong. Everything about it was wrong. I'm not talking about making them an international team, I never had a problem with that. What I had a problem with was the way they ignored nearly 30 years of backstory. They made it into a dodgy sci-fi B movie and let Steven Sommers include all the dopey elements that make all of his other movies so obnoxious. They even let him include Brendan Fraser. No chance at all was given to Joseph Gordon Levitt to show us just how awesome he is as an actor in his portrayal of Cobra Commander. Heck, we didn't even get to see much of Cobra Commander. It was like watching a Live Action DIC episode.


In the new Trailer, which I will link to at the bottom, they waste little time in establishing that this isn't going to be the second movie warmed over. They liquidate the team with extreme prejudice. Leaving only three members of the original cast remaining to taint the new movie. Cobra Commander has his blue jumpsuit and metal face mask which makes him so Iconic. Roadblock actually uses the Ma Deuce for which he is famous. Essentially.. this is what GIJOE should have looked like the first time. Gone are the super suits and the Eiffel Tower being eaten by nanomites. Gone is the ridiculous glass bubble head that Cobra Commander wore.

I love the visual of the Cobra Banners being unfurled on the front of the White House. The Idea of Cobra being a organization set on world domination was something postulated by the Cartoon. In the comics, it was the United States which Cobra had its primary issue with. The United States slighted the man who would go on to become Cobra Commander. A Used Car Salesmen who identified with Jon Galt a bit too much, but decided instead of pouring his efforts into inventing miraculous new products he would gain his empire through theft, graft, con jobs and murder. Despite what Joseph Gordon Levitt says, and the cast sheet says. Cobra Commander is clearly in this trailer. Who is playing him and what role he will be playing no one knows yet. But It's unlikely that the confirmed villains of the picture, Fire Fly, Zartan and Storm Shadow, Three men who have a long and extremely checkered past.. would be interested in taking over the United States without the instigation of Cobra Commander.

I have hope for this movie, not as much as I would have had if they had completely re-booted the franchise.. But It looks better than the two Transformers Sequels anyway.

Sounds to take you back.

There are two ways for Movies to go. They either have a Score or a Soundtrack, or sometimes both. Usually the scores are forgettable and the soundtracks filled with either 40 year old Thin Lizzy and AC/DC songs or new songs from bands no one will remember in 10 years let alone 40.

Occasionally however a movie will make tremendous use of a song. Every time you hear it from then on you will remember it. My own example of this is the way that Nine Inch Nail's The Mark has been made, was used in Man on Fire. Every time the percussion starts in the song I can picture Denzel Washington going and picking out all the supplies he needs to wage a one man war on the Mexican cartel that has kidnapped the little girl he was supposed to protect.

It is an ominous and haunting song on its own. But when you add in the pathos of the scene where a still bleeding John Creasy is preparing to get revenge, it becomes almost depraved through its anguish. The music accentuates it to a near feverish pitch.

Of course, this is just my opinion, so your mileage will vary.

George Lucas's Red Tails.

Found this trailer at Yahoo.

I'm really looking forward to seeing this movie. I hope it heralds the return of George Lucas to the quality and love he injected into the first Star Wars.

Terrance Howard looks like hes going to be bringing his A-Game to this. It's also nice to see Cuba Gooding Junior back.

First John Carter trailer.

I'm excited for this.

Harry Potter, Movie Watch 2011. part 1

In the last few days I've watched films 1-5 for the first time. Just as I earlier this year read the book series for the first time.

When I read the books back in the spring, I mostly enjoyed the earlier books in the series. I found them to be relatively light pseudo fantasy fare in the vein of Roald Dhal's whole body of work. They really do remind me of James and the Giant Peach and Big Friendly Giant and all those sorts of things.. Having Flying Cars reminded me a lot of Ian Flemming's Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. They are frightening, slightly demented.. but none of the villains approach the level of evil that the Child Snatcher or The Witches possess.

But starting with Book #4, this began to change. Almost from the very beginning when the death eaters attack the Quidditch World Cup. This is telling the reader/viewer that, the world is changing. Grab a helmet.

My feelings are that for the most part, I enjoy the films more than the books. Up to a point. That point is book/film #5. The Order of the Phoenix was by no means my least favorite of the series. That would be giving it too much credit. No I abjectly Hate, Order of the Phoenix. The book/films entire purpose is about the attempts of some individuals to reset the status quo. to put the genie that is Voldemort back into his bottle.

It forces characters to conform into molds they wouldn't conform too in any real life setting I've ever encountered. The character who really shines in the film is probably Alan Rickman's Snape. Who for the first time is really given a big part and we get a glimpse into his childhood and why he hates James Potter so much. On the other hand, the wonderful Gary Oldman is yet again wasted entirely in the 5th film. Having shown up in #3, and disappeared entirely during #4... it was nice having him back. But they just didn't do enough with the Black Residence or Kreacher or Sirius.. or frankly any of the Order of the Phoenix members. Choosing to almost entirely focus on the school.

It comes across in both places as excruciatingly stupid. It makes the characters themselves buffoons for drinking that koolaid. It denies us any knockdown dragout wizard magic fights for nearly 500 pages, or just about 2.5 hours. Along with that it at best plays down, and at worst outright ignores the momentous impact of what happened at the end of the last book/film. There is a distinct lack of feeling that, Though the world is different now. It's best if you keep calm and carry on. It's a seachange in the cultural undercurrent.

It didn't help that I really hate seeing Seigfried Farnon (Robert Hardy, who is an Expert at the Longbow in real life, having written two books about Agincourt and the Long Bow.. which makes him pretty bad ass in my book)as the worthless Cornelius Fudge either, or that I hate Helena Bonham Carter in just about anything she is in. It makes it difficult for me to even pay attention.

Tonight I'm going to watch #6, and tomorrow I'll be watching #7 & 8 in theatres.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Alrighty, so this is hopefully to be the last outing with helmer Michael Bay. You can sorta tell in the film. He wanted to go out with a bang. And he wanted to show up Christopher Nolan by trashing Chicago even worse than Nolan did in the Dark Knight. But really, Dark of the Moon shouldn't even be discussed in the same sentence as the Dark Knight.

It's not nearly as bad as Revenge of the Fallen. Not by half. On the other hand, its not half as good as 2007's Transformers. For one very important reason.

In 2007, when Transformers launched, and we were introduced to Optimus Prime and Bumblebee just a bit over the 1/3rd mark. You knew at least who they were. Their bodies were not the same, but their attitudes were. Bumblebee was the intensely brave, intensely loyal friend he was in both the Comic and the Cartoon, even though he didn't have his distinctive voice. Something I felt was a shame, as it would have been nice to hear Dan Gilvezan back just as much as it was to have Peter Cullen back as Prime.

Prime himself was, immediately recognizable as the same character who was quick to laugh and slow to anger. He would have done everything possible to protect his soldiers, everything that is except letting harm fall on the Humans. This is a character who chose death because he had accidentally killed computer game characters! Who let Megatron take a hostage and mortally wound him because he wanted to give the Decepticon Tyrant another chance.

Now, he just takes Faces, He's going to kill them all too. He butchers Decepticons like Hanibal lector butchers prison guards. Never once does prime mourn the lives hes taking. Apparently, Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.. unless they have red eyes.. then its butt kicking time.

Ok sure, in his defense, in the Films the Decepticons are almost unanimously shown as little more than mechanical beasts. Starscream and Megatron are basically the only ones who have any personality at all. This is something that actually improved in Revenge of the Fallen, and continued into Dark of the Moon. While the characters themselves were more correct in the first film, some of them have gotten far more dialog in the sequels.

Speaking of Megatron.. I feel his inclusion in this movie was more or less pointless. He didn't do anything except allegedly shoot Elephants in a scene that got cut out, and then get killed brutally by Optimus in the climax of the film. I feel it would have been far better to have scrapped him entirely, and given his dialog and screen time to Shockwave. An endlessly intriguing character who, they got my hopes up by Casting David Warner to voice in the Video Game.. I'd have bought 10 tickets if I got a conversation between Shockwave/Warner and Sentinel Prime/Nimoy.. it would have been like Star Trek VI all over again. Awesome. In other words.

Nimoy was the real standout of the film. His character was complex, but ultimately should have simply been Galvatron. I couldn't help but think of Galvatron every time Sentinal Prime spoke. That's how deeply Nimoy's portrayal of the upgraded Megatron was on me as a child. Even when I listen to Spock I think of Galvatron.


The Set pieces ranged from fantastic to bugf*ck insane. When I said they trashed Chicago I was not even remotely joking. Though they never really gave a reason why the Decepticons planned to take over Chicago.. It just happened.

The really unique thing though is that this is the first time that the plot was more or less copied from the Cartoon. Or rather, several episodes. It shared elements of The Ultimate Doom and of Megatron's Master Plan. But ultimately the Cartoons were far more fulfilling because both times they showcased complexity of many of the characters.

Oh well, I'd still rank this as the 2nd best in the series..

So does that answer the question?

Of how Elijah wood and Ian Holm and possibly other of the Lord of the Rings actors feature in the The Hobbit.

According to a new interview with Elijah Wood, it seems as if they will be working on a sort of framing device. Using the concept of "There and Back again", the book that Bilbo is writing at the beginning of the The Fellowship of the Ring, and that Frodo/Sam Finish at the end of the Return of the King. I had wondered how exactly they had planned to include these actors, and I can't help but think that it may not be such a bad plan.

It also could explain some of the other oddities we've come to know about the movie(s). Effectively showing it two different ways, one how Bilbo has written it, and then 'The True story'. This isn't much of a divergence, since Bilbo omitting information was used in the stories themselves.

It also mentions again a new character named Taurial, who seems to be some sort of elven maiden in Mirkwood. I've started to see this name brought up a lot lately, when previously we repeatedly saw the name Itaril and "Female Elf Warrior" next too it.. Is it possible that Taurial the elven maiden has replaced Itaril the Female Elf warrior? or are we simply going to get stuck with both of them?

I think that beyond additions such as Itaril/Taurial, the filmmakers are going out of their way to play up as many links between the two film series. Thats probably an extremely good idea in order to minimize the audience alienation felt when they go in expecting to see characters that are impossible to include in the Hobbit story itself. But as a framing sequence it will work out much better.

Of course, this could be incorrect and Elijah Wood is simply not being let in on exactly what Jackson/Fralippa are doing. I suppose we will find out December of next year though.

Conan the Barbarian.

Just got in from the book store and picked up a copy of the novelization for the new Conan The Barbarian film as adapted by Micheal Stackpole. I'll be reviewing it shortly on my other blog within the next few days before jumping into another of the Tor's.

So for now I'm just going to stick to describing the book itself. Its cover is the same as the 3D poster, Conan standing atop a mound of skulls head bowed and sword drawn. It uses the logo with the sword through it from the 1982 movie which is a bit disappointing. I'd have preferred they come up with their own font. It has the dedication "to the memory of Robert E. Howard" before the acknowledgements and then continues on into the story.

About 200 pages in we get a few snaps from the film itself. Young Conan being shown a sword by Corin. Young Conan crouching in the show, decked out in furs. A shot of some Co-ed Hyrkanian Archers attacking Conan's village. Khalar's Orcs.. I mean Henchmen Remo and Akhoun in Corin's forge. Conan enslaved. A seer telling his visions. Followed by a whole bunch of shots of Khalar Zym and his Daughter. Beyond Momoa none of the other characters really screams Hyborian age to me. But I may be surprised.

The book ends with an advertizment for the film, and for the Dark Horse comics. No mention is made of the 3 volume Del Rey set, or the upcoming "The Stories that inspired the film".

Now that I've worked my way around to that, I can tell you that I thought thats what I was buying, truth be told. I didn't pay that much attention to it at the store. That volume, featuring actual Robert E. Howard stories, isn't out until July 26th. But rest assured as soon as I lay my hands on a copy of it I'll have it here and will post the contents. Until then we will just have to content ourselves with this newest in the never ending list of Hyborean Apocrypha.

Limitless.

Went to the Dollar theatre last night and saw Limitless. It stars Bradley Cooper, who I'm informed started out on Sex and the City. We won't hold that against him. He also played Jack Bourdain in the hilarious and as usual short lived "Kitchen Confidential" on Fox. I knew he could do comedy. I'd never really guessed him for much of an action guy.

This movie isn't really an action movie though. Its got plenty. It's got plenty of just about whatever you could want. It's even got Bradley cooper calling Robert DeNiro his bitch. Something I didn't think you could do and continue to eat solid food.

Basic premise of the film is that Bradley's character, a struggling writer who is impossibly disorganized hooks up with his ex-wifes brother the drug dealer. The dealer sees he's struggling, throws a new product his way. NZT. You know how normally you only use 20% of your brain at any one time? This lets you use it all, all the time, full throttle. This turns your moped into a ferrari. It's also addictive. And the DT's from it make you worse than you were before you started taking it.

He proceeds to turn a 1000$ into $8000 through stocks. But this isn't enough capital. He gets in with a loan shark. He gets 100grand. Turns it into 2.3 million in 10 days. All the while noticing he's being followed by a disturbing man trying to kill him. You see his meteoric rise to the top, and he never really comes down from it, apart from the lowest point when he's totally out of drugs and has to drink another NZT users blood to prevent the crash from leaving him at the mercy of the loan shark's goons.

If you haven't seen this, if you are the least bit disorganized, scatterbrained, what ever. I totally recommend you see it.

The Austraian Oak? More like the Austrian Joke.

This isn't really anything all that important, but I've got to get it off my chest. For all my sure to come complaints about the new Conan movie, of which the trailer has just been released finally. I can't help but feeling that my main complaint are with those who are angry at the film for no reason other than not having Arnold Swarzegnegger in it. This of course is only exacerbated by fact hes no longer governor of California and is planning to resume acting.

Time and Time again I've found people both in real life and on the internet who are simply livid they would dare "Change" Conan so drastically. Beyond my anecdotes of people claiming that the character was created for Arnold to play. I've seen all manner of preposterous claims. One fellow on AICN was even trying to use Howard's own description as evidence that Arnold was perfect for the part. Apparently all other illustrations be they from the comics or novel covers.. totally got it wrong. I've not seen any one claiming that Howard picked Arnold to play the part yet.. but I'm sure theres some deluded fool out there that believes it. This seems to be the part that is so frustrating about it. No matter how many people you point it out too that Arnold isn't really that great of a Conan, they refuse to hear it. It's like dealing with Cult Members. (Which is Ironic, since the film also deals with Cult members)

But the part I don't understand the most, are the constant references to Arnold's "Charisma" on screen. This is something I really have trouble with.. since he spoke so few lines how would you know if he was Charismatic or not?

20 years ago I could have seen them making another Conan movie with Arnold in it, I'd probably even own it and watch it occasionally. But they didn't. Now it's a bit too late. The supports of Arnold however never cease to tire of pointing out that "They could still do the Iron Crown, Conan could go on one last adventure as an old king!" Just what we want, an adaption of Conan of the Isles. Arnold is flabby, out of shape, and has more or less just spent 8 years sitting on his ass behind a desk. He's not the Austrian Oak anymore. Theres lots of other films he could do, reprise characters that were actually developed for him.

Beyond Conan of course the other franchise everyone and their uncle wants him back on is The Terminator. I personally feel they only way this would work is with the CGI Arnold that was in Terminator Salvation. I felt he was already far too old to play the part convincingly in Terminator 3, and that came out nearly 10 years ago.

Personally, I'd like to see him do another True Lies, or even Kindergarten Cop. Most of my favorite Arnold films are the ones with a comedic edge to them. The man has pretty good timing especially when you make him the straight man to the insanity surrounding him. But I wouldn't turn up my nose at a reprisal of Dutch in another Predator movie.

Your Highness.

A raunchy fantasy romp brought to you by the same chaps who made Pineapple Express. It's done pretty poorly at the box office. I can understand why. It has very little appeal to your average viewer.. not nearly as much nudity as the trailers would have you believe and generally it requires that the audience be well versed in 80's fantasy films, D&D and other sorts of Fantasy oriented activities in order to truly get anything out of the movie.

It felt a hell of a lot like the sorts of things my friends would devolve a D&D game into. Wizards shooting colour spray out of their backsides. Barbarians blundering into boobytraps and having to re-roll 3-4 times a night. Jokes about copulating with dwarves or farm animals.. All of that sort of stuff.. it's all in this movie. Instead of getting high and watching Ator the Mighty, this is like getting Ator the Mighty high and then watching while completely sober.

Like Pineapple express the marketing is.. confused.. and confusing. They try to make it have as much mass market appeal as possible but its clearly not working.

The cast is, generally made up of quite good actors and actresses.. James Franco, Natalie Portman and Damien Lewis are all people I usually think of as being 'good' actors.. Danny Mcbride however you either love or hate, and having him star in the film was perhaps a mistake.. It's one thing to have him as a character in the movie.. but to be the star of the movie didn't really work... but he wrote it.. so he clearly loved it. At points in the film it was almost as if the character succeeded or failed based solely on Danny McBride throwing some saving throws behind his DM screen. He also wasn't lying when he likened it to serious movies like Dragonslayer and Krull.. It's simply a really really really raunchy Krull.

It didn't have the sex and violence of programs like Spartacus, but wasn't family friendly like a lot of those 80's movies were by any stretch of the imagination. Most of the jokes relied on the audience being aware of what was being lampooned. The film was rife with shots copied from Conan the Barbarian and others. But at the same time it didn't really come across as a spoof. It's more of just a really really screwy Fantasy world. Xanth on Acid.

So my guess is, if you are reading my review of it.. you will get a lot more out of it than if you are just some one who is reading a review of it on Yahoo. Don't trust the reviews from "normal" sources on this one.. if you like those 80's movies (some like Ator and Deathstalker are so bad they hurt to watch) You will find this lovable near Pastiche of those sorts of films quite enjoyable.

The Castle

This is an interesting little movie. It was pretty low budget, even by australian standards, but boy did they buy a lot with their money. The laughs in this film never really stop, and I routinely quote lines from it. And it has a pretty interesting cast. Beyond the main stars, it features a very early Eric Bana, and an Anthony Simcoe with no Makeup on.. since the only thing most people would have seen him play in the U.S. is D'Argo on Farscape that should be fairly unique to any fan of that series.

The basic premise is that years ago, Darrel Karrigan (Micheal Caton) bought some cheap land at the bottom of a runway, near some high voltage lines and built a house on it. Over time he built a successful car towing business and raised a family. He turned his home into his Castle. But as Airports are wont to do, it now needs to expand. That means the Karrigan's and their neighbors have to go.

Compulsory Acquisition. In the U.S. it's called Eminent Domain. Same Principle. Government comes in either for their own ends or to further the ends of a business in some way.. and decides they want your land and will buy it from you whether you want to sell or not. Usually they offer below market value. But they never recoup you for sentimental attachment to the dwelling.

After everyone on the block refuses, a mysterious man begins showing up and making veiled threats to the homeowners. Darrel's son pulls a shotgun on him, but their neighbor Faroouq threatens back. He's from Beirut you see... and deals with the threatening man by saying "You know friend.. I know friend.. you're friend beat me up.. my friend blow you to fucking sky!" After this Dale, decides to fight.

At first its all just petty stuff, but eventually he decides to fight legally. He's unfortunately not the brightest fellow in the world, and dosen't really have a lot of money. So he hires the pretty low level solicitor who represented his son on a B&E charge.. a charge that was upheld by the court and that son is still in Jail.

When he goes for the court case, he happens to strike up a conversation with a man who has come to see his son's first case. The man, Lawrence (Charles 'Bud' Tingwell) happens to be a retired QC, or Queens Council. A QC who also happens to be a Constitutional Law specialist. They begin a friendship, and he agrees to represent the neighborhood in case, using the Malbo and the Tasmanian Damn's cases to build their own. Finally settling on the term "Just terms" in Australian Constitution.

Long story short, they win their case, it becomes precedent in Australian law, the airport will have to expand in a different direction and everything works out fine. It's a nice story.

For whatever reason this movie has been pretty hard to come by on DVD. As far as I know in fact its not even actually available in Australia for purchase. The US version has also been edited some what. They didn't really change the slang, but they changed the names of foods, TV shows that the characters watch, and replaced words like "Cladding" with "Siding" in reference to the building material. They also replaced all the music. So if your a purist then you will either have to suffer through the Americanized version or do without. But to me, It didn't bother me, and I've seen both versions.

movie review - Royal Deceit a.k.a. Prince of Jutland

From Dweomera Lagomorpha

I came across this title rather randomly via Wikipedia. I'd been looking up historical dramas set during the dark ages, and found this one. It's a retelling of the story of Amled Prince of Jutland, the same story which William Shakespeare adapted for his play Hamlet. This movie filmed in 1994, is set during an indeterminate period, and features a very strong cast. With Christian Bale starring as Amled, and co-starring Helen Mirren, Gabriel Byrne, Brian Cox, Kate Beckinsale, Andi Serkis and a huge host of British character actors who pop up repeatedly in films as disparate as Snatch and Black Hawk Down.

The scenery is fantastic, and theirs no shortage of the things which make Shakespeare's adaption so wonderful. However you can tell, due to the way in which the Battle scene between Osmir and Lindsey was filmed, the the movie was made on a very small budget. Some historical inaccuracies exist of course but when you are dealing with the Migration period, and especially with semi mythical events in general, its not particularly distracting.

As I mentioned before it's difficult to know precisely when the film is set, a number of character are shown prominently wearing Thor's hammers pendants around their necks. These didn't become popular until Christianity was being adopted on the Continent, by which time it was already the official religion in England. So since the men of Lindsey are shown as being predominantly Pagan still, but the group with which they are at war, the men of Osmir declaim the actions of Amled as the work of the Devil. I'd say the film is set in the 600's or so.

It is to me, certainly a better telling of the story than any of the more recent ones. So if you haven't seen it, I'd recommend it to you if you have any interest in the time period, and are unhappy with some of the other adaptions of legends of that time, such as Robert Zemeckis's Beowulf...

movie review - Comic Book Villains

From Dweomera Lagomorpha

Comic book Villains starring DJ Qualls, Donal Logue, and Carey Elwes was an interesting sort of film. It was most certainly not a comedy like Netflix advertised it as being. It was gruesome and tiring.. and beyond a few gags had very little in the way of levity.

The basic story of the film is that in a small town some where in America two competing comic book shops are looking for an edge, one which is run by the extremely knowledgeable comic guru played by Donal Logue is struggling to make ends meet. The other run by a husband and wife team who care little about comics but more about making money. One day they are both separately visited by the character named "Conan" (as I mentioned previously) who is "Switch Hitting" meaning he opportunistically shops at both stores, where in he informs both shop owners of the recent passing of a man who had been collecting comics for some 50 years or so.

The race is now on for the two owners to convince the mans elderly mother to sell them the books, which turn out to be the equivalent of Aladdin's cave of comic books. She's not interested however in selling to anyone.. and things inevitably break down from there as the two owners become more and more desperate to get these books. Throughout all of this, Archie (DJ Qualls) is legitimatly making friends with the old lady. Helping her around the house and listening intently to her stories of visiting Europe, Something which has been hinted that Archie longs to do.

Eventually Donal Logue enlists the aid of Cary Elwes's character, Carter, who used to beat him up in school.. and also used to really like comic books. There follows a long series of back stabbings.. and culminates in Carter simply stealing the collection... by the end of the movie essentially everyone except Archie is dead and the comic book hoard is dissolving in a fish pond.. As mrs. Cresswell expends her final breaths she tells Archie to look in the closet, though the comic are gone her son collected something else. something far more valuable than even comic books. Baseball cards. So we end the movie with Archie having sold the vast collection of baseball cards, and is now sitting in a cafe in Spain. The End.

Over all I was admittedly disappointed in the film. Not least of all because I'm not used to seeing Cary Elwes as the bad guy.. I grew up with the Princess Bride being one of my favorite movies.. And I also disliked the message that the old lady seemed to be setting out to send to poor Archie. That comics are for kids and that he was to old to enjoy them and should be liking more adult "Literature" like Hemingway. And it is mainly through his acquiescence to this goading that endears him to her. Essentially he fulfilling the job of her own son to 'Grow up'. I especially felt that towards the end of the film when the death toll begins to mount that it was gratuitous.

I'm glad I didn't buy it, and I seriously doubt I'll watch it again. It just wasn't that great of a movie.. and thats probably why it's taken me nearly 10 years to even find out about it.

An REH mention.

Watching a movie on Netflix called "Comic Book Villains" and theres a character in it with the nickname "Conan" because he claimed that "Robert e. Howard was his great uncle"

The "Conan" character is played by the same actor who played Hyde on That 70's Show.

Its nothing earthshattering.. and I'm sure others have mentioned it in the REH fandom.. but I still found it to be neat.